Spirited Children?

[Mickey]

I remember a post (that turned into a debate) going on in the past on the old board about this. I'm not posting to start another debate, I just remember some people posting some info and saying that they, too, had a spirited child.

I'm looking for support and suggestions on how to handle situations and would appreciate it if you would post or e-mail me if you have some ideas regarding education and which schools and environment works best for you and your spirited child and why.

Thank you in advance!
Mickey

mickeynv@hotmail.com

[MaryL]

My best comment for parents of a very spirited child is that (as their child's Kdg teacher) I don't want to BREAK their spirit....just BEND it a little!!!! Spirited children have a lot to offer the world! Bless you for being a "spirited parent" to your "spirited child"!

[Amy]

Boy Mick, those were the good old days weren't they?:brow: LOL Between that debate and the first name or Mrs. debate is one I don't wish to revisit.

My dd has outgrown the spirited stage and is just plan stubborn now. There is a spirited 3 1/2 old child in my ds pre-school. He is a handful, but I admire his imagination and determination. You can't call him by his first name because he is either a crocodile or dinosaur. Then, in order to wipe his face, you must tell him that the crocodile has to wipe the snake juice off his mouth. His Mom handles him by playing along with him and not trying to break that side of him.

As for school, I would lean towards a less stringent routine one. Is a Montessori one like that? Or schools without walls (they learn by doing).

[Mickey]

Thanks, Guys!

Mary, that's a great objective--to bend their spirit, not break it! :) It really is frustrating at times and I keep reminding myself that these are wonderful characteristics for an adult! In the meantime... ;)

Ds is in a Montessori school now, Amy, but the class isn't truly a Montessori classroom (it's a new class and isn't running the way it should). I'm not very happy with the entire situation.

I agree that a less rigid environment is better for him, but he also needs to be guided or corralled...to help keep him focused. I'm not clear on what a school without walls is...like an open classroom?

I think ds would do better with a very small ratio and not many children in the class--but that's hard to find, if not impossible. Seems like money is always an issue for the schools and most max out the legal ratio. Two preschools I visited a while ago had FIFTY kids in one room with 5 teachers! Total chaos and definitely NOT a good environment for a spirited child.

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas! I really appreciate it!

[lindaM]

I have one of those spirited boys. Have you read the book The spirited child? It was very good. It breaks down each characteristic and has you scale it for yourself and the child so you can see where you fit together. It also tells you all the great things that each characteristic gives you in life. Which is great on those days when you can't possibly see anything good in the enormous persistants or what ever characteristic it is.

I have found with my ds that he very much needs a set schedule and rules that do not change. When his schedule gets disrupted or someone gets wishy washy on rules its trouble.

I have posted a list of morning to do's on my kitchen wall and his bedroom wall. Now all I have to say to him is please do your list and he knows to do it. We have had a problem with his teacher in 1st grade. She is a little blurred on what the rules are. But that has improved since September and he is doing much better now in school.

[RCT]

what defines a sprited Child? My ds who will be six in August has a lot of spunk, we too have said to each other, (dh and I) I don't want to break him we just want to mold him a little :lol: ...so it was funny that when I read your post here and Mary's response I got to thinking what defines a spirited child, cuz maybe I have one..... :biggrin:

[RCT]

just pushing this so it stays on the board till you see the previous question here.... :lol:

[JeannieOR]

Does that count?

I read the book (Spirited child) but she didn't quite fit into the descriptions. All I know is when she was a toddler I was trying to teach her not to walk into the parking lot. When ever she stepped out of bounds she had to come back in side. It took her 20 times to realize that was not OK. I did the same thing to her brother twice before he learned.

We also had difficulty when I tried to put her in a preschool with a lot of kids and a very rigid structure. Then I put her in a small playschool and that worked out a whole lot better. At that time she was a "kitty" most of the time so I can really relate to Amy/co's "crocodile tail".

she had an awful time in kindergarten because of course kindergarten is all about rules. First grade is better. Her teacher says she has a unique way of thinking and she could be in the gifted and talented program "if she would only follow the rules". Ironic, isn't it. :lol:

She has a problem accepting authority and I found it helps to have a written list of expectations like LindaM said. I used to draw pictures depicting what she needed to do to get ready in the morning and it worked real well with her.

[Mickey]

Here's an awesome article that describes it very well:

http://www.parentsplace.com/family/famdynamics/gen/0,3375,13156,00.html

[Mickey]

My little guy sounds similar to your dd.

I like the idea of a list of rules with pictures. Need to work on that! :)

[JeannieOR]

Once, when DD was 2, I asked her if she wanted icecream. She gave me her typical answer of "no way" and ran off. Of course, a few minutes later she came back into the kitchen and said "Mom, I would like some icecream", like it had been her idea all along. (I don't think the word yes was in her volcabulary until she was 4.)

DD doesn't like any ideas that come from someone else's head. If she can read it for herself she is more likely to accept it.