The CORONATION...oops, I mean wedding! ;)

[AnnW]

OK..so ya'll know that I have been plannng since January my dad's 75th birthday, and the WEDDING is now the day after....let's see......
first it was going to be an intimate family ceremony since we are having this big party the night before. Well, all her kids (4 and 10 grandchildren) are begging to be in the wedding so now it's my brother and dh as best men, her daughters as her attendants, my dd and her youngest granddaughter as flowers girls (with matching dresses thank you very much but thank god she found them on sale!!!) She wants ALL of us to stand up there with them. I want to just sit quietly in the pew. Then, there was what colors to have everyone in??? Should she wear white? What should my dad wear? A tux...he didn't want to. He told her he thought it would be silly for her to be in white! LOL So now they are in gray and all the rest of us will be in black, which the irony is cracking me up but they aren't getting! LOL
Back to the guest list........no longer an intimate family affair, but 102 invitations are going out! (asked my brother if HIS wedding was that big! ;) LOL ...mine was much larger) so if they are inviting that many people, then surely you must have a reception so now we are having ANOTHER party after the wedding...guess now the birthday party has become the rehearsal dinner! LOL
Oh...and let's not forget that we are combining two households so the production of all that, who gets what, what goes where :rolleyes: I am getting my childhood furniture for dd but it has to be out NOW!!! uh...gotta get a truck and i am kind of busy this week. I gotta clean out my mother's stuff. The bride is not wanting any of her things, but won't tell the groom but tells me..another :rolleyes:
Oh..and let's see...the SHOWER!!! a friend of my dad's (like a daughter to him) is offering to throw a shower on Saturday..uh 6 days away. They were thinking a lingerie show..nope, I am not coming to watch my dad's wife get nasty nities!!!! She wants all new stuff but thinks it's tacky to register, but would I just write down all the stuff she wants to that I could tell people if they ask...uh..NO!
Initially, the idea of Daddy getting married flipped me out, but now it's become the 'theatre of the absurd' so all I do is manically giggle!
But the best part is..that I get the honeymoon! We had planned a cruise for our 20th and we leave March 14!!!

[vea29]

OMG Ann!!!!

All I can say is keep us posted....This is the best place to vent!

[littlesista06]

THUD!!! (fell out of my chair)

Oh my. Wow. I really want to come!! LOL
Understand the irony over the colors! LOL And, begging out of a lingere shower. :\
I can't quite get my head around why this has to be so fast? Probably good, because no one has a lot of time to dread it, etc. Good to hear you're laughing over it, actually! But, the biggest downside is having to clean out the house and move furniture, etc. That's a LOT to deal with.
But heck, sounds like all you're going to be able to do it unload the house, load your garage and then hit the high seas!! LOL

Hang in there, sounds like all is going pretty well! :)

[AnnW]

Oh, no..she wasn't asking for a lingerie shower, but that's what I thought it was going to be cause what else do you do when they already have everything (and too much of that!) LOL

My brother asked him if he had gotten her pregnant and that's why all the rush! ;) They had thought around Easter but all the kids could come in now, so here we are.

[AnnW]

Originally posted by littlesista06
THUD!!! (fell out of my chair)

Oh my. Wow. I really want to come!! LOL



come on..at this point, no one would notice! LOL

[PamE]

8o Wow! Holy cow! Feeling a bit like Alice falling down that rabbit hole, Ann?

[BevJ]

Oh my! I am feeling, and upset by the fact, that your Dad's special birthday will be lost by the wedding. I can just imagine how you are feeling. Keeping your sense of humour is a great way of dealing with it. I am sorry it couldn't be held off by a month at least. Keep us posted...like Vea said, it's a good place to vent and we'll listen and take your side :D

[angie r]

Is this woman 20 years old? AnnW, you are much better than I am because I would be causing an all out war. Stay strong!

[KarlaB]

Oh my word! The craziness of it all!! :crazyroll I am sooooo glad you are able to laugh some of it off. I am concerned that she is telling you stuff that she won't tell your dad (about not wanting any of your mom's stuff there) and hope it's not a sign of future trouble. I'm probably just looking into things - just want things to be okay for your family. Hang in there and do keep us updated on the drama - it can be like our own little soap opera here. ;)

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by BevJ
it's a good place to vent and we'll listen and take your side :D

Ditto!! Who can ask for more that that? :D


Angie - I'm with you. This would be driving me insane and I don't think I'd be taking it as well as Ann!!

[AnnW]

No, I think she is being fairly vocal about not wanting my mom's stuff there. On one hand (the rational mature side of me) I can understand her wanting to create her own home with him and not to be surrounded by the dead wife's stuff. On the other hand (daughter of dead wife) it's my mommy's stuff so leave it alone witch and you can't erase a happy 45 year marriage just by moving stuff out! LOL
I did tell my dad that I did not want to stand up with them (they are talking about the whole frigging family being up there) I said treat me as the mother of the groom. I don't want to be up there for 3 reasons..
1. it's just weird
2. i am afraid that i may get emotional
3. i am afraid that everyone will be watching me to see how i am doing and take away from them.

It is a little soap opera, isn't it! LOL

[bizymum]

{{{ANN}}} Hang in there..

[Jeff]

parents are such a pain in the *** :rolleyes:

My father and his new bride (my age) are talking about adopting a baby!! I feel your pain!

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Jeff
parents are such a pain in the *** :rolleyes:

My father and his new bride (my age) are talking about adopting a baby!! I feel your pain!


OMG! I would not have stood for that! I told my dad not terribly long after my mom died that he was forbidden to date anyone my age or younger. He said jokingly, "but aren't you getting kind of old??" Told him if he wanted to see the bitch daugther from hell to just try it! ;)

[angie r]

My dad's current "friend" is the same age as my oldest brother and has a 12 and 15 year old. She lives in one of his houses and drives his new car while he drives the older one. She has fake boobs, a tummy tuck, bleached blonde hair, and looks like a plastic barbie doll with wrinkles. Shall I mention her wardrobe? IT, must be awfully good. I digress...

I agree with you on standing up with them and bravo for you for telling them so.

[RCT]

This sounds all too familiar

My dad and his new wife HAD A HUGE wedding, all 7 of her children and my brother and I in it....it was a circus....she wore White too...........

Then they sold both thier homes, bought something new...she also stated that she didn't want my mothers things, but I can tell you 9 years later, that I only have the things of my mothers that I took right after she died....the new woman in his life enjoys some of those fine things the first wife had.....

I feel for you....and am here to listen and talk...

HANG in there Ann.......((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

[AnnW]

Originally posted by RCT
the new woman in his life enjoys some of those fine things the first wife had.....



They are staying in mom and dad's house cause this was his dream home that he built and it's rather unique. I really don't mind her using the dishes/silver/crystal/furniture cause my daddy is using them too. My brother and I get all that when he dies (prenup). I will object strongly if she shows up in any of my mom's jewelry.

[vea29]

Originally posted by AnnW
OMG! I would not have stood for that! I told my dad not terribly long after my mom died that he was forbidden to date anyone my age or younger. He said jokingly, "but aren't you getting kind of old??" Told him if he wanted to see the bitch daugther from hell to just try it! ;)
Ok...glad I'm not the only one who said that....When my dad started dating I told him that "he's not ALLOWED to date anyone near my age". LOL. It does get complicated when parents start dating.... doesn't it?

[darlene]

Wow! You will definately enjoy your cruise when this is all over!

Hope things can go as smoothly as possible!

:)

[Judy]

Ann, I really do feel sorry that you're so unhappy over this entire thing, but you know what.....my mother has been alone for 30 years. That's a very long time to be alone and not have anyone to share life, dreams, chores, activities and just all the day to day stuff with.

Every wedding is a circus so I'd try to keep that in mind and simply offer to do what will not be a huge inconvenience for you to do.

As for the birthday celebration, I'm sure you wanted to make it a special day for your father by having a small intimate evening, but the day is for sharing it with the people he loves, isn't it. Seems to me he still gets to do that.

Try to keep being rational. If you were going to be a second wife, I'm sure you'd want to feel comfortable in your new home with things of your own and not have everything in your face that belonged to another woman. It sounds to me like she's just being an excited bride.

Try not to make this wedding about you. It's their wedding...let them have it their way.

[AnnW]

Judy, I think you have totally misread my posts. I don't think I ever said I wanted the birthday to be intimate..don't think 65 is intimate and neither is the 100 that are coming! LOL It's more a matter of FITTING the guests in my home!! Yes, all weddings are circuses, but can I not giggle at 67 year old (who has been married 3 times) and a 75 year old wanting to make a huge production out of things? If these were friends of mine, I would be doing the same giggling. I don't think I ever said I thought this wedding was about me which is why I don't want to stand up with them cause it should be about them and not everyone watching to see what I do (and believe me from the amount of phone calls I have received from his friends to 'see how I am doing', I am not terribly far off the mark. I don't think I ever said I wanted my dad to be lonely either. I think I have repeatedly said that his feelings are the most important and why I am smothering alot of my instincts and feelings. Yes, It is weird for me that 13 months after my mother died unexpectedly, he is getting remarried, but if that isn't allowed, then maybe I am the selfish individual you are suggesting. I think I have said repeatedly that I understand her side of things too. I am beginning to think that you haven't really read my posts.

[littlesista06]

Originally posted by AnnW
Oh, no..she wasn't asking for a lingerie shower, but that's what I thought it was going to be cause what else do you do when they already have everything (and too much of that!) LOL

My brother asked him if he had gotten her pregnant and that's why all the rush! ;) They had thought around Easter but all the kids could come in now, so here we are.

My MOM had a lingre shower when she remarried (at 60)! I was away at school, thank GOD!!!!! LOL YUCK.

LOL about your brother!

[littlesista06]

Originally posted by Jeff
parents are such a pain in the *** :rolleyes:

My father and his new bride (my age) are talking about adopting a baby!! I feel your pain!

Wow. Have you said anything to him? I'd freak!!

[littlesista06]

Originally posted by Judy
Ann, I really do feel sorry that you're so unhappy over this entire thing, but you know what.....my mother has been alone for 30 years. That's a very long time to be alone and not have anyone to share life, dreams, chores, activities and just all the day to day stuff with.

Every wedding is a circus so I'd try to keep that in mind and simply offer to do what will not be a huge inconvenience for you to do.

As for the birthday celebration, I'm sure you wanted to make it a special day for your father by having a small intimate evening, but the day is for sharing it with the people he loves, isn't it. Seems to me he still gets to do that.

Try to keep being rational. If you were going to be a second wife, I'm sure you'd want to feel comfortable in your new home with things of your own and not have everything in your face that belonged to another woman. It sounds to me like she's just being an excited bride.

Try not to make this wedding about you. It's their wedding...let them have it their way.

Judy, Ann stood up for herself just fine and needs no help from me, but I cannot stay quiet here. LOL
30 years and 13 months are quite a different story, and I can't fathom comparing the two.
As far as the wedding she is not complaining about what she's doing - she's finding the humor in what they are choosing, which is a great coping skill.
I'm thinking the same as she - if you read the posts about the b'day she told him to invite half as many as he ended up inviting - but she's handling it. LOL
My mouth has actually dropped at your advice to keep the wedding about them not her..... I can't see anyone reading that into any posts she has made. Ann is making wise choices based on the couple's best interests.

[Cathy]

AnnW- I've been thinking about how I'd handle any of this.......

WOW! I hope I'd be able to hold on to some perspective. I know you truly wish for your father's happiness. I hope he finds it. Hang on and know that lots of people are pulling for this to be a positive thing for all of you. (((AnnW)))

[AnnW]

Thanks Cathy and Jen!

Well, they have decided to get married at my dad's (now their) home. I think that is a great idea. She tends to be rather scattered in her organization and was getting so stressed over trying to figure out how to get everything done at two different places that she was almost in tears last night. This will make it so much easier, no having to get anywhere. It will also take out alot of the "pomp" and make it more of an intimate affair. She has 2 sons and a sil she is really close to and they were all fighting over who was going to walk her down the aisle..well, now no aisle. It solves my nervousness about standing up with them...winners all the way around!

[PamE]

Sounds like much less stress for everyone involved! I'm glad things seem to be calming down a bit. :)

[RCT]

Ann, I think your doing GREAT!

Having it at His house will be Wonderful.

Sounds like your handling this with Humor like Bev stated....I think its the only way to go.... Keep smiling :)

[littlesista06]

Sounds like good choices. :)

[Jeff]

Originally posted by littlesista06
Wow. Have you said anything to him? I'd freak!!

you really can't reason with a 'child'!

[Jeff]

Originally posted by Judy
Ann, I really do feel sorry that you're so unhappy over this entire thing, but you know what.....my mother has been alone for 30 years. That's a very long time to be alone and not have anyone to share life, dreams, chores, activities and just all the day to day stuff with.


My maternal grandmother has been 'alone' for over 40 years. She wouldn't have it any other way. She really likes her independence. My deceased paternal grandmother was single for 30 years after my grandfather died. She dated around and enjoyed the company of men but enjoyed her independence more.

I don't begrudge a 75 yo man or a 67 yo woman in finding happiness through marriage. What I would have issue with is a marriage between two people because one is lonely and the other can't live with or without someone.

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by Judy
Ann, I really do feel sorry that you're so unhappy over this entire thing, but you know what.....my mother has been alone for 30 years. That's a very long time to be alone and not have anyone to share life, dreams, chores, activities and just all the day to day stuff with.

Every wedding is a circus so I'd try to keep that in mind and simply offer to do what will not be a huge inconvenience for you to do.

As for the birthday celebration, I'm sure you wanted to make it a special day for your father by having a small intimate evening, but the day is for sharing it with the people he loves, isn't it. Seems to me he still gets to do that.

Try to keep being rational. If you were going to be a second wife, I'm sure you'd want to feel comfortable in your new home with things of your own and not have everything in your face that belonged to another woman. It sounds to me like she's just being an excited bride.

Try not to make this wedding about you. It's their wedding...let them have it their way.

I am sorry, Judy - but I think you off base and are commenting on things without actually reading the posts or you are reading them and you are trying to read into things and put a negative spin on it all. Many of us have already commented to Ann how well she is handling this. It is a difficult situation (to say the least) and she has really put aside her own feelings to let this day be for them. She is being kind to her dad and his future wife - in fact she welcomed her with open arms when he started dating because she put his happiness first and dealt with her emotions on her own. No, she doesn't have a 'right' to tell her dad what he can or cannot do - nor has she ever acted like she can - she has simply vented to us how some of this has affected her, how it's weird 'firsts' to be dealing with, etc. Many of us share some history here with her - we know how close her family is, how close her parents were, and that her mom's death was completely unexpected and a huge loss for them. I think I can somewhat relate to the relationship she shared with her mom because I am also very close to my mom and will be devastated when I lose her - so, in saying that I cannot even imagine what all of this has been like for her. I commend her for handling it as well as she has!!

Her dad has not been alone for 30 years and she never said she wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone. She has simply shared with us some of what she has been feeling and how she is dealing with it all. Did she pout to her dad and tell him not to get married? Nope, instead she was planning a wedding at her house. When I commented on the gal and some of her actions, Ann actually came back with a response supporting her and understanding why she wouldn't want Ann's mom's stuff in 'her' new home. I was actually proud of Ann for looking at it that way because I think I would have a little more trouble with it. And, as far as the wedding itself - she didn't want to be a part of it for their benefit. Besides that, she is justified to not want to have to stand up there having people watch her every reaction. At least she was honest with them rather than going along with it and potentially creating a scene and "taking away from their wedding". (just kidding Ann!! LOL!)

As each new 'situation' has come about with this wedding rather than pouting, crying, or throwing a fit (like many of us would probably be tempted to do) she has found the humor in some of it and has continued to help them out - even going so far as to honor their request to plan this wedding with/for them at her home. It hardly seems like she wasn't letting them "have it their way" and making it about herself. :rolleyes:

Anyway - there you have it - my opinion.

Sorry Ann for jumping in on this, but as you can tell I'm a bit frustrated and it's not even my situation!! Hang in there and continue to vent here when you need to - you know there are many here who support you!! {{{Ann}}}

[littlesista06]

Nicely done, Karla! You said exactly what I was thinking, but wrote it much better than I did! LOL

[KarlaB]

thanks :tinysmile You did well, too!! :thumb: :)

[Leigh]

WOW!!!!8o I don't know what to say Ann, except I hope you continue to find the humor in things and we are here for you! (((ANN)))

PS~ Well said Karla and Jennifer