Turn the other cheek or hit back?

[Mickey]

Do you teach your child(ren) to turn the other cheek? I've always said, "Two wrongs don't make a right." and tell 8 yo ds that he is never to hit back. But I was listening one day to Dr. Laura and this guy said that a kid at school hit his child and he told his child that he did the right thing by not hitting the child back. Dr. Laura disagreed and told him he should teach his child that if someone hits him, he's to hit the kid back and that it is a good lesson for the other kid.

What do you tell your kids?

[momof3]

Me and my husband have talked alot about this! One of my fears is my children being hit at school by a bully. My son is very sensitive and he is was raised where people do not hit each other, we respect each other, we don't say mean things to each other. The only thing is when someone does do something to him, he does not know how to react. For ex: he was out on the playground at school a couple weeks ago and a little girl came up and hit him and his friend in the stomach. I asked him if they were just playing and he said no. (he is in Kg) I asked him what he did about it and he said he told them not to do that. They did it again and ran away. I was mad because he did what we have always told him, use words and not hands. But, what do I do if he is using words and still gets picked on. My first thought would be to tell him to stick up for yourself and hit back. I want him to be able to stick up for himself and if he tells a child to knock it off and they repeatly keep doing what he asked them not to do then I think he shoud be able to hit them back (no girls) it is a hard choice. I would like to see others opinions! Thanks!

Amy U

[MaryL]

We tell our boys that if someone (a bully) would hit them, they need to tell a grown up and try to get some help. If they do that, and the grown up doesn't help them...then they may have to defend themselves if it should happen again. We've always approached it with a "try this first..." attitude. Thankfully, my dks haven't experienced this scenario yet.

[AnnW]

We tell our boys that if someone (a bully) would hit them, they need to tell a grown up and try to get some help. If they do that, and the grown up doesn't help them...then they may have to defend themselves if it should happen again. We've always approached it with a "try this first..." attitude. Thankfully, my dks haven't experienced this scenario yet.

same thing.

[KarlaB]

We tell our boys that if someone (a bully) would hit them, they need to tell a grown up and try to get some help. If they do that, and the grown up doesn't help them...then they may have to defend themselves if it should happen again. We've always approached it with a "try this first..." attitude. Thankfully, my dks haven't experienced this scenario yet.

same thing for us, too!

[littlesista06]

We tell our boys that if someone (a bully) would hit them, they need to tell a grown up and try to get some help. If they do that, and the grown up doesn't help them...then they may have to defend themselves if it should happen again. We've always approached it with a "try this first..." attitude. Thankfully, my dks haven't experienced this scenario yet.

Same here.

[momof3]

That is what I have always told our kids. When my son got hit I asked him what did you do? Did you tell the teacher? He said he did not tell the teacher.....I explained to him if you get hit you need to tell the child who hit you not to hit and if it continues then talk to the teacher, I just want my kids to be able to defend themselves if they need too. I do not want them to be walked on and picked on because the kids no he will not defend himself.

Amy U

[Diane]

Years ago I had a dc boy who was getting beat up by a bully just about every night after school. He'd wait behind a bus until D---n passed and he'd jump out and beat him up. It wasn't until I noticed his ankles/legs all bruised and asked him what he was doing to get so many bruises. He said nothing... (was taught to deal with it) but the rest of the dck's told. The next day I told the kids I'd be at the school waiting for them. I told them to ignore me, not say a word and I'd follow close behind. Sure as heck they got so far and out jumped this kid. Knocked D---n down to the ground and started kicking him. I went behind and took him by the back of the jacket and pulled him up/away from D---n. I got in his face and asked him if he wanted to accompany me to the principals office to call his parents so we could have a little talk about what he was doing OR... was he going to knock it off and leave D---n and the rest of my kids alone? He apologized over and over as he walked (ran) away. I told him that if I ever heard from the kids that he was doing ANYthing to annoy them again... he'd be seeing me again. I'm not too sure if I handled it the right way... I'd probably get into trouble now adays for doing what I did but... it did nip it in the bud. What's so funny was that when D---n and this boy got into high school they became pretty good friends. I'd see him once in a while and he'd just look at me. LOL By this time he was much bigger/taller than I was.

Another time when dd #3 was in Jr. High, some girl started pushing her arond after school one night. Kicked her in the stomach and got her a good one in the face. Dd called me crying... and I was SOOOOOOOOO mad. I didn't have my driver's license at the time and walked (ran) over a mile to get to the school to confront the little angel. When I saw how awful my dd looked I was inferiated. After I got done talking to her dd never had any more problems with her. I called the principal the next day and he called her and her parents in and came up with the lame excuse that this girl was "going through a lot" at home (parents divorcing) and that was her way of handling it. I felt bad for what she was going through at home... but that had nothing to do with my dd and she didn't deserve getting what she got.

Anyway... sometimes you might have to help/defend your child. These bullies need to know that if they're bullying... they choose the wrong child to bully because I'm just not going to put up with it. That and I'm sure if these childrens parents knew what they were doing... they'd be appauled. Maybe you could call/talk with them?

Sorry for going on but... unfortunately my children have been through it once or twice. LOL

Diane...

[Mickey]

Ds isn't experiencing anything like this right now, but I think I'll tell him what the rest of you guys tell your kids--that he can hit back if he tries to resolve it with an adult to no avail.

I have stepped in, too, Diane. I try to let it play itself out, but if kids are behaving inappropriately (verbally or physically), I tell them off if their parents aren't around.

Edited to add: That sounded like I was being sneaky..."if their parents aren't around"! LOL! If the parents are there, I'd tell them so they can deal with their child's bad behavior, but if they're not around, I will handle it.

[vea29]

You know My veiw has always been to turn the other cheek....but as I get older and see the kids in dc. I've decided that they should still turn the other cheek but don't get walk all over. I usually tell them to come to a teacher and we usually take the kids and ask the first one if he hit? Any Why? Then I tell the second one to say how it makes him feel. Then I ask the first one "how would you feel if someone did that to you"? Then I tell them all to keep hands to them self and if you can't you will have to have some quiet time by your self.

It usually works.