Spin off of grandparent thread

[KarlaB]

(Sorry in advance to those who have lost their parents and are missing them and the relationship your dks had with them. )

What are your dks relationships like with their grandparents? Are they close? Do they see them a lot? Who initiates those times together? Do you feel like all of the grandkids within the family are treated alike or are there obvious favorites?

[MaryL]

Hmm...well my boys don't live near any of their grandparents, and never have. They don't know any different...and we always "visit" the grandmas. (Both of the grandpa's have passed away.) Dh's mom recently moved from Vegas to Kansas City. She lives in the same city as SIL, and now helps babysit for my niece and nephew afterschool. She'll obviously have a very close relationship to them. We fly grandma here at least once a year. She's not real fond of travelling anymore. Last year we drove to KC to visit her. My kids adore her! She's the older kind of grandma (doesn't like to go places...gets tired easily...goes to bed early...etc). She's 75 years old.

My mom lives about 2 hours from us...and we see her about once every 6 weeks, or so. She is a younger grandma (64), and she likes to go out to eat with us...shop...etc. She doesn't have a job, or car, and is on a very fixed income. She can't come here...so we always have to travel to visit her. She lives in the same town as my sister and her family. Obviously, she sees them much more often, and definitely has a different kind of relationship with that set of grandchildren. The best thing we ever did for my mom was buy her a computer...and internet service. She loves to e-mail people, and play Scrabble on-line. I feel good that she isn't spending money on long distance phone calls...but we can still talk (e-mail!!) every day. Would love to do that for the other grandma, but she absolutely refuses to learn about the computer.

Both grandmas adore my boys!!! Funny enough...for a long time, my boys called one grandma, Grandma white hair, and the other one, Grandma Black hair. Ahhh....that has stopped...now they both have white hair!!

[RCT]

its been my experience that they are not all treated equal...they do have favorites....I have seen this with my own grandparents, my kids grand parents and my sil's with thier grandchildren.

I think its even with my kids grandchildren......we instigate they instigate...so I think its equal.....

I often wonder what it would have been like had my mother lived to see my kids, and my brothers....she would have been Wonderful Grandmother......

[Diane]

We've always lived close to my parents. They'd pretty much have to pass our street on their way to anywhere they were headed, so would often just pop in for a quick visit. They never paid too much attention to the kids. They'd be polite, would say hi and ask them how they were... but they never asked or offered to babysit or to take them to do anything special with them. I'm not complaining... but they always did spend a lot more time with my oldest sister's kids, but I think that was only because they were the "first" of many grandchildren, and felt closer to them. By the time my kids were born they already had so many... so they were just three more. LOL Now that my mom is alone and has more time, I think she feels bad that none of her grandchildren call or will stop over to do more with/for her... but to be honest, they really don't know her all that well.

I know dh's parents loved our dd's... but they were always SO darn busy with dh's foster sister's ds. He practically lived there, especially during the summer. He'd be there all week, including the weekends. He took up the one extra bedroom they had. One time I asked them if they'd take the girls for the weekend because dh and I wanted to go away for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary. They were concerned about where they'd sleep. I suggested perhaps foster sister could keep her ds home for one weekend (so she could actually spend some time with him) so my dd's could have grandma/pa all to themselves. (like he always got) They him and hawed, and I finally just told them to forget it... we'd ask our neighbor. (they were like grandparents to our kids) I think they got jealous and finally agreed to take them. (I was sorry I asked) The girls had fun, but I worried the whole time they were there. They lived on a lake and they weren't always the best at keeping a close eye on them. They really did have a good time though and I'm so glad they had that time together. We also went camping with them a few times, so I think the girls all have good memories of them. I feel that they would have spent a lot more time with grandma/pa if it hadn't been for foster sister's son... but that was their choice and nothing we could really do/say about it without looking like we were jealous. I think the girls were especially close to dh's mom... she was a very special lady.

[angie r]

Brichard's parents are wonderful with our kids. They spend time with them and dote on them. Now that they are in Florida 9 months of the year they talk on the phone nearly everyday.

My mom will spend time with them if I ask her too, but she still works more than full time. She is not a real "grandma" type, but they love being with her. She makes all their holidays super special.

It has officially been one year since my father has spoken to me. My youngest dd probably wouldn't know him if she saw him. Dd#1 was always kind of scared of him. Ds probably misses him the most, but my dad never even saw him until he was 2 and we lived in the same town.

[kat]

My parents have a favorite and it is my oldest ds because he was there first. They've said that. It's not that they love him more, it's just that he has that special bond of being first. I can feel that same bond with Braeden.

I don't think my kids have the same close relationship with their grandparents that me and my brother and sisters have with ours. The dynamic is just not the same. I'm hoping that I can be the type of grandma that my dad's mom is to me.

[Diane]

My parents have a favorite and it is my oldest ds because he was there first. They've said that. It's not that they love him more, it's just that he has that special bond of being first. I can feel that same bond with Braeden.

I totally agree that firsts are always more special because of that special bond of being the first. I would never admit that to any of my other dd's because I'm sure they'll want/expect any child/ren they have to be just as special to me as Sarah is. I'll try my darndest to never let it show though. LOL

[Ryleigh S.]

my kids are very close with both Grandmothers. They never knew my father since I was very young myself when he passed away. dd#1 knew dh's father, but he passed away just after ds was born.
Both Grandma's spoil them rotten. Mil lives very close so we see her often. At least 3 times a week often daily. My mother lives a few hours away but see her at least one weekend a month. She often comes for a month in the summer. This year she is coming for 3 weeks in July and then dd#1 is going home with her for a few weeks.