The Popular kids

[RCT]

Ok, as some of you remember dd and her best girl friend are in different schools since they built one around the corner from us....and they get together a couple time a month....well she has some friend at the new school but one of the closer ones has become "in" with the Popular kids....oh the trials of kid dome...she was a weepy mess last night telling me how she wanted to be the girl with all the friends around her, and eat at the table with the good umbrellas and why did she feel this way...well we had a long discussion about feeling, and jealousy, we do have those AG books, but this was so hard for her. She has hung out with the Popular kids, but apparently dd thinks they are mean (AMEN my kid isn't following the herd) I want her to be happy, so why does this hurt me as much as her? I wasn't un popular as a kid, but I don't remember being one of the Popular kids, or did we just not have clicks until High School? Then I was a rebel...a loner...I told her it was ok to be a loner, and be friends with all different kinds of groups....anyone going through popularity issues and jealousy, and just kid anxist? Is this just girls or do boys go through it too....ds seems to be one of the popular kids according to dd...lol....argh....

Amy didn't dd go through something like this as well? HELP...I cried myself to sleep hurting for her....I remember being a teen and getting hurt but at that age I can't even imagine...being lonely I guess is what she is....

[Amy]

My problem was resolved when she switched schools. LOL

In all honesty, it really is a perception/self-esteem issue. They look around and think many have it so much better. They have no idea that all the kids probably feel inferior. The best thing to do is to get her involved in something she is interested in. Dd was at her extreme happiness when she was in summer rec and summer soccer this past year. She was kept busy and had tons of friends to hang with. It really boosted her confidence in herself.

She still is moving between friendships now, but it doesn't seem to bother her as much and just moves to another group.

Bless your dd for sitting down and letting you talk to her. My dd gets extremely uncomfortable when we delve into things like that. I was so upset for dd last year too. I just kept reminding her that she has to be proud of what kind of person she is and the rest will work itself out.

[littlesista06]

Ugh, girl problems suck!
Glad you two are able to talk that stuff out, dd and I are like that and it's great for you both!
I'd suggest, remind her the grass ISN'T always greener on the other side.... so hard to believe it, but so often it's true. And good for her for seeing who she does NOT want to be with. Now it's just a challenge to find another girl or two like herself to pal up with.

Dd hasn't really had this issue or at least not yet. I've always given her words to open conversation with new kids, which seems to help her. I'll shove her off and say, "go say hi, my name is ___", and she takes it from there. Is that something your dd does or could she use some tools to help her feel comfortable in approaching other girls?

Bless your heart Renee. I can understand how you feel and know I'd do the same thing.

[RCT]

Thanks, ladies, I am proud that she doesn't want to run with the crowd just because...but wow...its hurts to watch you kid hurt....she still has her best friend...and she as a few friends at school...but I think she really just misses having her best friend right there...all the time....she gets lonely...ds told me they spend first recess together...which is awful sweet of him....since he has his own friends....she seems better bout things today....

I guess I don't remember grade school being so tough....

[Diane]

Dd #1 and 3 were both very popular... especially #3. She was everyones best friend, no matter who they were... and I was always very proud of her for that. Sometimes she'd catch some flack from a few of her popular friends, but she never let that bother her. Dawn was always the "funny" one, was my "daring" one... and she sometimes got into trouble doing it. LOL Dd #2 was always shy and not very outgoing. She wasn't UNpopular... she had a pretty good bunch of friends, just that they weren't as "in" as the popular kids were. She always seemed happy with her group of friends and really never complained. Of course... she knew a lot of popular kids because of dd #1 and 3... and they were always nice to her. I think she basically chose not to hang out with the popular kids her age in her grade because she wasn't like them. They WERE snobby... and I'm glad she didn't want to be like them. LOL

Being popular isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Dd's #1 and 3 didn't always "like" their friends or agree with some of the things they did/were doing. Some of them compromized their values in order to BE popular... and I'm glad my dd's weren't willing to do that.

I feel for your dd... it hurts so much when we have to watch our children go through something like this, but unfortunately that's part of the learning process of growing up. How sweet of ds too. What a kid!!