How old before kids stay home

[Diane]

I'm sure this question has been asked before but thought I'd refresh my memory.

How old do you think is old enough for kids to start staying home by themselves? How about if they've got a younger brother/sister at home with them that they have to take care of?

My nephew/his wife have two daughters. One is 10 (will be turning 11 in a few months) and the other one is 6. My sister frequently mentions about how **** and *** needed to go somewhere and left the kids home by themselves. Now I know that this has been going on for at least two years... and continues. My sister said she doesn't see anything wrong with it because it's only for a few hours. Another time she said they only do it when/if the kids are in bed sleeping. (I know this isn't true) Their oldest daughter had ADHD and is on medication and their youngest is also ADHD and not yet on any kind of medication. I remember my sister once telling me that the other grandmother/father will no longer take care of these two because they're very active and way too much work for them.
My mom/sister kind of got into it last night because my mom started her opinion about this... What do you think?

[Mickey]

By law, in this state, a child has to be 10 before you can leave him/her home alone. But, from what I've been told, you need to be 12 in order to look after another child.

Ds will be 11 in May and I've been letting him stay home alone, but only for a short time while I run somewhere nearby, since he turned 10--at first it was just to run around the corner (literally) to get bread or milk (and I'd call him from my cell phone while I was gone). Then we slowly built up from there and I will occasionally go to our office (less than one mile away) for an hour or so to send faxes and do paperwork--and again, I call him and check in on him a few times.

We also have strict rules. He cannot go outside, answer the door or phone or cook. I'd rather he not even eat, so I make sure he's eaten before I leave. He actually loves having some time to himself.

I would never leave him alone with another kid (even if the kid were the same age or a bit older). He's not responsible enough to look after another kid and he would most likely end up horsing around/wrestling with a kid his age. This is as far as I plan to go (an hour at a time and only nearby) for quite a while.

[Melody]

Ds1 (12 yrs) has been babysitting the other two for a while but not while we are gone far. It's only if I am literally withing running distance to home. The church hall is 5 doors down from us at the corner so he watches the other two once a week while I go to euchre with dh. He has watched them while I zipped over to the post office or grocery store. We live in a small town so I never have to worry about traffic to get home or being more than a few minutes from here. Ds2 has stayed home on his own but very short times. This morning was the longest. He woke with a headache and didn't want to go to church and didn't really want me home either, said he wanted to just lay down for a while after having a tylenol. Again, church is so close I agreed and he was fine. This was also a big thing for him since he has in the past had a fear of being alone and I think he kind of proved something to himself today. Big step! I could not imagine having my 8 yr old babysit a younger child never mind leaving the 8 yr old alone for hours. jmho

[littlesista06]

Dd is going to turn 11 in a couple of weeks and I will leave her home very short amounts of time and very seldom. If dh isn't home and I have to be at Hallmark by 5:00, I may leave her at ten til and go on (work is only 3 mins. from the house). I'll tell her to call me if he's not home within 20 mins.

She also knows not to open the door or tell anyone on the phone that we are not here.
She too, loves her alone time.

[Amy]

We started leaving dd (11.5 yrs) home with ds (8.5 yrs) about 6 months ago. It is to basically go up to the local market or go for a short walk with the dogs on the local trail. Everything is within 1 minute of where we live and our cell phones are always with us. Dh is ready to be 30 minutes away and I am like "NO WAY" !! I don't like being that far from home if something were to happen. That won't start happening until she is well after 12 yrs and I know she can handle ds without adding feul to his fire.

[angie r]

Age 11 here for us. Ds is taking the safe sitter course next month. I still won't go far for a while. We have the same rules as Mickey. I am also going to try very hard not to lean on ds too much to watch his sisters. My neighbor does that with her ds and I feel so sorry for him always being in charge of 3 girls while mom and dad are gone.

[JAK]

When we lived on base the rule was they had to be 10 to be left alone and 12 to care for a sibling. I started working outside the home around that time. I worked on base so I wasn't too far and they weren't alone long. Dd has taken the Red Cross babysitting class so she knows CPR and First Aid. They have rules that they have to follow and I know from the stay at home moms in this neighborhood and our last neighborhood that they actually do follow the rules! (At least for now.) I would not leave my 11 yr old in charge of a younger sibling. I didn't leave mine alone until I would trust them each on their own. Dd never "babysits", "watches" or is "in charge" when we are gone. Ds is old enough to be left alone and I don't want either of them to feel like they are the one taking care of the other. They are responsible for themselves.

[AnnW]

I think ds was 10 to stay home alone while I went to the grocery store. think it was when he was 12 that I let him watch dd.
maybe check and see what her state law is but i really think your mom needs to stay out of it. if this has already been going on for 2 years, do you honestly think your sister is going stop now?

[MaryL]

My ds (13) took the babysitter (cpr/first aid, too) course last year...and we let him stay home with his brother. (I think we started doing that when he was 12). We didn't let him babysit for other people until he took the course! It makes a difference, in my mind, because my boys are 2.5 years apart (13, and almost 11)...and they get along great. They rarely fight! Dh and I can go out to a movie and dinner...etc, and not worry. At the ages they are, we do try to be home by 10:00. We don't go out at night often...but dks love to stay home now when I run errands on the weekend!!! Fine by me! :0)

[Diane]

but i really think your mom needs to stay out of it. if this has already been going on for 2 years, do you honestly think your sister is going to stop now

I don't blame my mom for saying something about it... someone actually should have said something about it a long time ago when she was 8 and left alone to take care of her little sister. (who is a little sh!t) If their grandparents won't take care of them because they're too much work, how
can one be expected to be responsible for the other? No one expects that the situation is going to change...

[Diane]

When Dawn was 11 I would have trusted her with the other two... but we still never left her with them until she was at least 13, and that was only for short periods of time. It helped having a cell phone so you could always be gotten ahold of, just in case something came up.

I do worry about these kids being left alone though. If the 10 year old were more responsible it wouldn't be so bad... but she's not. That and... I know when they're left, it's for a long period of time, like 3 to 4 hours at a time. They're not my kids though so... not really any of my business. LOL I just hope that nothing happens to them while the parents are gone.

[AnnW]

I don't blame my mom for saying something about it... someone actually should have said something about it a long time ago when she was 8 and left alone to take care of her little sister. (who is a little sh!t) If their grandparents won't take care of them because they're too much work, how
can one be expected to be responsible for the other? No one expects that the situation is going to change...

why hadn't anyone said anything prior to now?

[Diane]

why hadn't anyone said anything prior to now?

Because they're all too chicken. My sister even say's she doesn't approve (although she wouldn't admit that to my mother) but say's her kids are too old for her to be trying to tell them what to do and not to do. They probably wouldn't listen to her anyway and it would probably end up in a nasty fight.

IMO it isn't just leaving the kids home alone and them behaving or not behaving, but I worry about something happening. What if they decide they're hungry and try to cook something on the stove, matches? What if someone broke in or tried breaking into their house while they were by themselves? What if one or the other got hurt somehow? Do you really think a 10 year old is old enough to handle such of an emergency?

I don't think my mom was out of line for saying something. She didn't say it to be bossy, but because she was concerned.

[RCT]

My kids are 11 and 9, They are home sometimes after school alone, for about 30 minutes...
They would love it if I would leave them home alone today....

[Melody]

Because they're all too chicken. My sister even say's she doesn't approve (although she wouldn't admit that to my mother) but say's her kids are too old for her to be trying to tell them what to do and not to do. They probably wouldn't listen to her anyway and it would probably end up in a nasty fight.

IMO it isn't just leaving the kids home alone and them behaving or not behaving, but I worry about something happening. What if they decide they're hungry and try to cook something on the stove, matches? What if someone broke in or tried breaking into their house while they were by themselves? What if one or the other got hurt somehow? Do you really think a 10 year old is old enough to handle such of an emergency?

I don't think my mom was out of line for saying something. She didn't say it to be bossy, but because she was concerned.

My neighbour was still letting her kids go home alone after school even though she was broken into many times (in the day). I'm sorry but.......Stupid!!! I kept telling her not to do that, let them come over to my house. Sometimes she would call me and ask if they can come over, sometimes she would be home already and sometimes the girls would go home and be afraid and come over here anyhow and I would just think they are playing with the kids not knowing until I asked that the mom wasn't home. I have never, not once, said no when asked to babysit so I don't know why she continued to let them go home alone. It's not like they ever caught who was breaking into her house (thought it was strongly suspected that it was teenagers since most that was gone was money and booze, never big ticket items). They did catch a few last fall after a big series of breakins in one neighbourhood and she hasn't had it happen since so hopefully those were the same guys. But man alive, what do people think??? That would be the day that I had a series of breakins at my home and would let my kids no matter how old to go home alone when I wasn't there. grrrr