The possibility of ds1 being homeschooled

[PamE]

is very strong! I work with him each summer and each summer I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job... and send him back to ps. Dh and I have really been talking about bringing him home to hs for good. I've come to the point where I realize it has to be a change in me to do what it takes to homeschool him - I can't change ds.

Dh wasn't so enthusiastic about it until a few days ago. A neighbor boy, "J", is a good friend to ds we lovingly call him ds's body guard. He's helped ds through a lot of issues on the bus and I'm pretty sure he sticks up for him whenever possible at school (same class last year, different classes this year). Anyway, J was over a few days ago and we were all outside talking and dh saw ds1 walking up and down by the street, talking to himself, shaking a stick. Dh said, "Hey, Buddy, whatcha doin'?" I don't know if ds1 answered but dh said "Don't talk to yourself like that, man, people are gonna think you're nuts!" (don't take offense at this, it was said in a joking, loving manner!) J, (ds's friend and defender) said, very dryly "Oh, it don't matter... everybody knows he's nuts!" Dh came to me later and said, "I think it's time to bring him home." Sad way to convince him, but I'm glad we're on the same page now.

Mil will continue to instruct him in math and will also take on history/geography. That will help a lot and will free up some more of my time to work with ds2.

Ds has had a wonderful teacher this year and has really been working hard with him to keep him on task, so that will be a huge help. Now to just get him out of the ps mode! This is the kid who raises his hand at the dinner table if he has something to say while someone else is talking!

I'm excited, scared, nervous, overjoyed, overwhelmed and relieved. There was so much crud going on just on the bus that J had to tell us about, I can't imagine what things happen at school that ds can't express. That's where the relief comes in.

[Amy]

You are in a tough posititon! I totally understand to want to protect him and bring him home where he is safe from the other kids. I have even wondered to myself if ds got bullied to a certain point if I would even pull him out of school. His psychologist warned me early on to NOT ever do that. He told me I can't protect him forever and he has to be around his peers for socialization. By isolating him, I would be working backwards. With this said, I know I have a wonderful school district and they are very protective of him. He also has a paraprofessional that shadows him through the day, so she knows what goes on. There is zero tolerance for bullying, so I am fairly confident that ds will have some bad days, but nothing that won't be handled immediately. This is a different story for you and your school district. If you home schooled him, will they still provide you IEP services (ex. OT, PT, Speech etc)?

Either I have an extremely short term memory or you never got a formal diagnosis-but has your son been diagnoised and do you feel confident in the diagnosis?

[AnnW]

What is the school doing about the bullying?
Does his school work improve during the summer?
Why do you feel like you fail him when you teach him?
What changes would you have to make in you?
Is he unhappy at school?
Is he happier in the summer?
Are you pulling him out to give him a better education or because the kids think he is crazy?

[RCT]

Oh Pam, I have no advise for ya...

(((HUG)))

Who said this parenting thing was going to be easy?

Amy and Ann's posts were insightful.....

[Cathy]

just adding my prayers and hopes that you make the best decision for all of you................

[PamE]

We're not pulling him out only because of the bullying (it's a very small factor). The school takes care of the bullying that it sees. We pulled him off of the bus for a while because of what was happening there (sub bus driver wasn't doing anything about the problems) and the Transportation Director changed routes so that our street was bussed by a different, less crowded bus. It's not that the school isn't taking care of the bullying, it's the fact that there could be so much more going on at school that we don't know about. Every incident of bullying that we've known about (except one) has been reported by "J" and not ds. Ds still isn't able to articulate what's going on and he has a hard time understanding when people have crossed the line. That worries us, especially with ds heading into middle school where things will most likely escalate. By bringing him home we won't be isolating him, we'll just be around him to help walk him through situations that he needs help understanding how to handle. He'll still have peer interaction. By law, the school has to provide whatever services he's receiving in ps. Right now that's little of nothing. He's in pull-out for an hour and a half a day and they work with him on Language Arts and math. He's needed ot for years and hasn't gotten it. (No ot at the school) A friend of ours is an ot and we may see if we can work something out with her. We're still on the long waiting list to see the ped. psych, so I have no idea when that will happen. The only for-sure diagnosis we have is ADHD.

In the past, his schoolwork in the summer has been more a matter of maintenance, just so he doesn't lose ground. This summer we have an entire curriculum that we'll be using with him, not just a bit here and there. My patience level isn't what it should be. It's going to be challenging to figure out his learning style, and that will take time. He comes home from school really down sometimes, and again, he's not able to articulate why. He has days he's happy and days he's not. Days he wants to go and days he wants to stay with us. He is definitely more relaxed in the summer! We're pulling him out now because we feel we can give him a better education. He learns better in a one on one setting and the school can't do that. The incredible leap in his math skills since mil has been working with him has been an indicator of what he might be able to do in a lot of things if we pull him out.

Before any of our children were born dh and I planned to homeschool them. We didn't foresee any problems with that, but ds presented some challenges we didn't know how to handle. I think the school system did help him and that they are doing the best they can. Our school system isn't great, in fact, it's downright lousy. Our ped told us that he and his wife would be moving as soon as they had children... because of the school system here. If we lived elsewhere with a wonderful system (like yours, Amy!) then we might not want pull him out, I don't know. I've always wanted him home with us (selfish? maybe).