Can I resign as a Mom?

[TXmom]

I'm feeling like such a failure and am wondering why I ever thought I was up to being a mother. Ds went over to a friend's house after school and got into a fight with a neighbor boy. The other boy's father was very upset. My son hit the other boy in the face. I haven't been able to talk to the other parents yet - they took the child to the emergency room to make sure there was no fracture! Ds's friend's Mom was very nice about the whole thing and the other boys say the injured boy grabbed ds by the hair to start the whole thing. Ds hit him to make him let go. I still think that when this is all said and done ds won't be invited over to the friend's house again.

[angie r]

Just when you think parenting can't get any tougher....it does!! My neighbor had something similar to this just happen with her son. Do they really think your ds could have fractured this kids face?

[Diane]

Although I don't condone hitting or fighting, I don't think that their is anything wrong with somebody defending themself... especially if somebody is beating them up... or pulling your hair. I don't know of one child or adult for that matter who would just stand there and let it happen. Maybe not to the point of fracturing another childs face... but at least enough to protect themselves. I don't mean to come across like I don't think it's a big deal... because hurting another child is always a big deal but I think maybe in this case maybe all involved learned a pretty good lesson. Hopefully he hair puller will think twice about picking fights and pulling hair and your ds has learned that their is a difference between defending yourself and serioiusly injuring another child, and hopefully be a bit more careful if it ever happens again. It sounds to me like your ds's friends neighbor was probably a little bit jealous and took it out on your ds. I don't suppose he will be invited back over there for a while but maybe you can invite him over to your house next time... Good luck and I hope that everything works out okay. How old is your ds anyway?

[Amy2]

TXmom, yes, it can be so tough! But you may find (at the risk of being annoyingly positive) that this can be a great learning opportunity for both the kids! It sounds like the other boys parents are pretty cool, so maybe the two families can come up with some creative problem solving to teach the boys and their peers some important things. Hang in there! Amy

[TXmom]

I can't imagine that ds could have fractured the boy's cheekbone, but I wasn't there. Ds is 12 and the other boy is a grade younger, but I don't know his age. The injured boy's father sounds like a real winner - told ds they could file assault charges on him. I left a message for them to call me. Of course the imagination comes up with all kinds of wild reasons that I haven't heard from them yet.

[AnnW]

Good Lord, it sounds like that father went off the deep end! I don't condone hitting either, but it does sound like your ds was defending himself. I hope it gets all sorted out. What has your ds said?
btw..you aren't a rotten mom..you didn't smack the kid!!! LOL

[Linda/NE]

I feel for you!! I hope everything gets sorted out.

I hate it when my kids get into some kind of trouble. As much as we try, we can't make our kids perfect. Some days I just wish my kids were perfect so I wouldn't have to feel like a failure as a parent!

Let us know how things go.

[Melody]

I agree with what the others said.
I don't blame your son for hitting him. At least the other kid knows better to start anything. And so do other kids now know not to try it either. I think the father really over-reacted and he will calm down soon, hopefully.
Your not a bad mother. If your son didn't start this and he only hit in self defence just to get away from the other boy, I say good job!

[RCT]

I hear you....sounds like your son was defending himself, and not really starting a fist fight....boy I know what you mean about re thinking this parenting stuff.....I read your other post and agree that sometimes its way harder than we imagined.....this too shall pass...and you can't internalize this....I am trying not to also....LOL

hang in there....

[Leigh]

I too do not think this was your son's fault. I have always heard parents say don't start anything, but if someone else starts it then you finish it. I am not sure if I agree with the way that sounds, but I do believe in self defense, and it sounds like what your son did was self defense. I hope everything works out okay. Keep us updated and good luck.

[KathyT]

Oh Donna, I am sorry to hear about ds! But you aren't a bad mom! We can't control everything in their lives, and unfortunately they older they get, the truer that becomes. Hopefully the other kid's parents will call you soon and put your mind at ease.

[KarlaB]

I agree with what everyone has told you. You aren't a bad mom, but I am sure you couldn't help but feel bad. Don't blame yourself - your ds is still a good kid and lots of kids have incidents like he did. I am sure the dad's reaction was one of emotion when it happened and hopefully he'll calm down and look at both sides of the story. Hang in there and let us know what happens!!!

[Jezmom]

Just wanted to say "hang in there". The fact that you are as concerned as you are shows you are a GREAT mom. Don't be so hard on yourself. I agree with everyone, it sounds like your son was defending himself. lets us know what happens!

[TXmom]

Well, I talked to the boy's Mom last night. First, I called my son's friend's Mom cuz I wasn't getting an answer from injured boy's parents. She said that injured boy's father had come over the night before to apologize for freaking out, and to say his son's cheekbone was OK. Come to find out, they didn't go to the ER. Injured boy's Mom works for a pediatrician, so they took him to her office real quick. Another reason the Dad got so upset is that he had a cousin lose sight in an eye when he was younger due to being hit. The general concensious seems to be that this boy is a bully, and it finally caught up with him. Dh and I are not letting ds off the hook, however. We want him to recognize when a situation is getting out of control and get out of there so he doesn't have to defend himself. These boys are getting old enough that pretty soon a fight is not going to be a minor thing anymore.

[AnnW]

Great news! But why did the boy's dad go apologize to another mom???
I think you are smart to deal with ds too, you can't be bullied but you can't always strike back either.