diffucult child

[Angie L]

We have a very difficult child in our toddler room that I am at wit ends with. She is very aggresive with the other children, hits and bits the teachers, and cannot sit still for anything. I am at a lost at what to do with her. If anybdy has any suggestions I would apreciate hearing them.

[Diane]

I copied this off from another website. I hope it helps.

Most children at around three to four, acquire enough inner control to contain their aggressive tendencies. Sometimes they exhibit these behaviors on the playground or outside, but usually not at school or parties.

No matter what the setting, you need to proceed in exactly the same fashion. Here's how: When he displays any out-of-control behavior, contain or restrain him, remove him from the scene and state clearly, "I will not allow you to hit (or spit or pull hair)."

NO HURTING
Then see to it that he doesn't have the opportunity to continue. Don't allow him to hurt you either. Take him outside, down to the basement or out to the garage and let him rant and rave, but don't allow him to hurt anyone.

It's important that you stay with him—don't desert or isolate him unless he's attacking you. Your presence helps him absorb all those angry out-of-control feelings and bring himself back under control.

ANGRY WORDS
For now, concentrate on stopping the physically aggressive actions. It helps to know that children ascend a hierarchy as they learn to control their anger and aggression. Some toddlers bite. Once the biting stops, they kick, hit, throw objects and exhibit temper tantrums. Later they scream, use primitive words of anger and call names.

Eventually—if provided with good modeling from parents—they learn to express their anger with words. Much later, children even learn to delay expression of their anger.

PLAY IT COOL
Be careful not to respond to your son's aggression with aggression. When he shifts into high gear, your best bet is to shift into low. Move toward him slowly as you gently help him bring his behavior under control. You have to provide the controls until he develops self-control.

If he exhibits impulsive behaviors when you're not with him, trust that the adults around him will manage him in a way that will also help him develop inner controls.