So many tough decisions for kids!!!

[AnnW]

I really feel for ds, he has had to make some tough and rather grown up choices this spring. He made the choice to not play baseball this spring cause of the time requirements that it takes, and he didn't want to have to drop anything else. NOW, we find out that his piano recital is on the same weekend as a boy scout trip to the really cool water park out of town. He has already been working on his recital piece even though it's not till mid May. I told him he could choose which ever one he wanted. He honestly looked so devastated at the thought of missing either one.
It just seems so unfair, we didn't have to make choices like this when we were younger! I wonder if I am putting too much responsibility on him, and if dh and I should be making these decision, but that could back fire too and he could feel like we are pushing him into things!
GRRRRR...when is parenting supposed to get easy????? LOL

[imamama]

From what I hear, never!

Your poor ds. Don't you wish you could make life simple for them? I know I do. I think you're doing a very good thing by letting him chose which he'd rather do. But maybe you could help him through the decision making process. He may be wanting/needing some help with this toughie. Maybe you and dh could help him make a pro/con list, or tell him of some times when you've had to make really choices and how you came to your conclusion.

I applaude you for teaching him that everything has a consequence. If only all parents would!!

I hope it's not to hard on him. Let us know what happens.

[Cathy]

Originally posted by AnnW
GRRRRR...when is parenting supposed to get easy????? LOL

I don't think it does. At least it hasn't for me, yet. At times, I wonder why I even have children. Sometimes it's just so frustrating. Other times it's absolutely heartbreaking. When we watch them suffer, like Jeff's dd and Diane's dd. When we see them struggle like your ds and Karla's ds. Yikes, how and why do we handle this stuff? Then we get to celebrate their milestones and see their growth, and that's so awesome and joyful. I just never knew it would be so huge a responsibility. I have days when I feel like I'm not quite up to it......but I have to be.

Sorry this sounds kind of depressing. My dds have been a bit challenging lately. You could probably tell.

[KathyT]

Sorry to hear about ds's woes Ann, they do seem to be faced with so many different pressures now don't they? Sounds like you are being supportive without making the decisions for him, which is easier said than done. What do you think he will decide to do: piano or scout trip?

Cathy I hope things get easier for you and your dds too!

[KarlaB]

Ugh! I hope he doesn't struggle with this for long and comes up with a decision without second guessing himself. Parenting is tough and I hope some day it does get easier....for all of us!! Hang in there!!

[AnnW]

Cathy..your post didn't sound depressing at all, but very sweet!!! Sorry to hear you are going through troubles with your dds. Can we help?

Kathy..it was funny, his first reaction was "man, that is the best scout trip" which makes me think he is leaning towards the music. We did tell him that there might be a way to do both if he wanted to only go to the water park for a half day. He wants to think about it, and he has time to do that.

Amy..we try to help him think of it from all sides.

Karla..that 2nd guessing thing is what is so hard. At dd's softball game yesterday, ds got really into it and at one point said under his breath "man, I miss all this! " broke my heart!

[MaryL]

Is there anyway to take the waterpark trip as a "family event" on another weekend? Or would that just not be as fun as going with his friends? (I suppose not.) Could you do a pros/cons thing with him? I know how I feel when I have to make tough choices...I feel for you ds! I'll be thinking of him!

[AnnW]

We must have been posting at the same time, Mary! LOL
We do the pro/con thing with him, he is wanting to think about it for a while.
We have been to this park as a family..it's the Schlitterbaan (very cool) but this would be way more fun for him to go with "the guys"! LOL

[angie r]

Originally posted by AnnW
We must have been posting at the same time, Mary! LOL
We do the pro/con thing with him, he is wanting to think about it for a while.
We have been to this park as a family..it's the Schlitterbaan (very cool) but this would be way more fun for him to go with "the guys"! LOL

I think I'd go for doing both! That waterpark looks awesome!

[AnnW]

Angie...it is amazing! The original part is all river water so it is ice cold! They have built another one down on Padre Island that is supposed to be incredible...we might go down there this summer.

[Amy]

Ann, as long as his activities are child-led, I don't think you are layng too much on him. What a great lesson in priorities for him. It would be MUCH harder if you had a preference (like the music) that would tear him more with your wants, but you haven't and that is very smart and kind!

Cathy-raising three teenage girls is by far the hardest job! If you are still standing on your feet at the end of the day, then you are doing exceptional! LOL Just think, by the time they are 23 yrs old, you will be their best friend without all the drama (ok, less drama).

[littlesista06]

Ann, I feel for your ds; but how lucky he is to have activities he enjoys equally well..... tough choice.

(I think I'd lean toward the recital - what if he were to decide to do the water park thing and it ended up raining that day.....?? That'd be MY luck! lol)

I'm sure he'll make a good choice. Good luck to him.

[angie r]

Originally posted by AnnW
Angie...it is amazing! The original part is all river water so it is ice cold! They have built another one down on Padre Island that is supposed to be incredible...we might go down there this summer.

I was talking about the one on Padre Island, I think you linked me to it. River water? brrrrrrrrrr

[AnnW]

No, the original one in Hill Country

[Diane]

Originally posted by AnnW
I really feel for ds, he has had to make some tough and rather grown up choices this spring. He made the choice to not play baseball this spring cause of the time requirements that it takes, and he didn't want to have to drop anything else. NOW, we find out that his piano recital is on the same weekend as a boy scout trip to the really cool water park out of town. He has already been working on his recital piece even though it's not till mid May. I told him he could choose which ever one he wanted. He honestly looked so devastated at the thought of missing either one.
It just seems so unfair, we didn't have to make choices like this when we were younger! I wonder if I am putting too much responsibility on him, and if dh and I should be making these decision, but that could back fire too and he could feel like we are pushing him into things!
GRRRRR...when is parenting supposed to get easy????? LOL

You've GOT to be kidding... EASIER? Sorry, it just doesn't happen. LOL I remember when my kids were younger I could hardly wait for them to get older so life wouldn't be so worrisome/stressful. My oldest is now 25 and my youngest is l7 and I'm STILL waiting... My mom tells me that it will never happen... she STILL worries about all of us and look at how old we are. LOL

Like your ds... my youngest dd has also had to make some pretty big decisions too. A few years ago when she was in band, the teacher scheduled their concert to be on the same night as her dance recital. Both REQUIRED her to be there... OR ELSE!!! Well... that was impossible so there had to be a decision made. Well... dd decided that seeing there were 5 or 6 other flute players in her band, her not being there wasn't going to be that noticable, but seeing she had a major role (solo) in her dance recital... it would have caused more than a few problems. Her band teacher told her that if she didn't come... he was going to give her a D+ as a final grade. Her dance teacher then told her that if she didn't show up for the recital... she wouldn't be accepted into the dance line the following year. I was starting to get a little angry at both of the teachers for pulling her around like that... but she decided she'd take the D+ in band and do the dance recital... which she had worked/practiced on all year in order to do. That and we had already paid out $65.00 for her costume. She felt bad that she was getting a D+ in band... because she deserved much better than that but I talked with the principal and I found out that he couldn't do that... but he could mark her down as much as one grade. Seeing she was origionally going to get an A she still ended up getting a B, which still wasn't bad so... it turned out okay. Another time she had to choose between Cheering (she's their flier) at the pep-fest or playing in... again, the band. Her band teacher really wasn't being fair at all and so she ended up quitting band. His loss...

We've also always let our kids make their own decisions about things... and I think it's been a good thing for them that we did. They now have no problems making choices/decisions and seem to know how to handle things a lot better than most of their friends do. Some of them have never been allowed to decide anything for themselves...

Even though it may be very hard for your ds now... in a long run it's a good learning experience for him. He'll have to decide which one is the most important to him... I know what he's going through... and what you're probably going through with him. Good luck!!!