jealous 2 yr old

[JAK]

Here's some back ground info: I watch a little girl who will be turning 2 in a few weeks. I have had her in my care for 6 months now and she only comes 2 days a week. For the first 4 months she was here, I also cared for her 5 yr old sister, who is now in school.

She has always been a jealous little girl when it comes to my attention. She always wants to sit on my lap, wants hugs... things like that. For the first few months she cried and threw fits when she left my house (luckily those have stopped). She lives fairly close to my house so I see her at the park with her parents or at the school when I pick up dck's (on the days she's not in my care). She screams and cries when she sees me and wants to go with me. I usually just give her a quick hug so that she'll stop and try and leave it at that. She is a biter and has bitten 4 times so far in my home. She has bitten each of my dks- who are 6 and 8- and 2 almost 2 year olds. Now that I have this 6 month ond baby in my care her jealousy has gotten worse. The other day I was holding the baby when I opened the door for her and her mom. She would NOT walk into my house because I was holding him (she just gave me a dirty look and stood there). I came in and put the baby down and she walked right in. That same day, as the baby was crawling by her she walked up to him and pushed him down! I don't know what to do. It was a really bad day for her/me that day as at naptime she was so tired and mad at me that she was hitting and kicking me and screaming (she doesn't talk). Help! That day, I just put her in the pack and play and let her cry herself to sleep. I know she acts this way at home often because I have seen her treat her mom this way and I know from her neighbor that she does it a lot. But that day was the first time she's been that way to me. What can I do to help this child? Or what should I do when she's acting this way? My own two children never did anything like this...

[Leigh]

I have no advise right now, but wanted to offer lots of {{{{HUGS}}}}}. If I think of anything, I will get back to you.

[AnnW]

I don't think I would put the baby down and go to her, that seems like it is reinforcing her bad behaviour. What were the consequences of her pushing the baby? If she keeps biting, you might just have to tell the mother that she can't come back..tell the child that also.

[Mickey]

Tough one, Jen. Not one of the pros here, but I'll make a suggestion anyway.

Sounds like she's seeking any kind of attention--negative or positive. What do you do when she bites, pushes, or hits?

Have you tried to totally ignore her and focus on the hurt child when she does something wrong (bite or push or hit)? If she's being nice and interacting positively, praise her, hold her, cuddle her, etc. If she does something she shouldn't do, totally ignore her and hold, cuddle and focus on the one who was hurt. If it's REALLY obvious to her that she gets your attention ONLY when she's sweet with the other kids, maybe that would help?

Sorry you're having a difficult time with her!

[Diane]

Have you tried having her help you with the baby... make her feel like you need her help... like she's important? If/when she starts acting up... put her in the pack n play or in a time out... and let her know how disappointed you are in her behavior. Tell her you'll miss her help, but if she can't be nice/good... she can't help you anymore. If it continues and you find it's something you can no longer deal with... seeing it's only two day's a week, I'd maybe give her mom a two weeks notice. I guess because of her jealousy towards the baby... I'd be afraid of what she may do to him to get back at him for taking your attention away from her. Good luck!!!

Diane...

[JAK]

This started before I had the baby in care, it's just gotten a lot worse. I do completely ignore her when she acts this way. I put her in time out when she bites and when she pushed the baby over. She sat on my couch and cried like someone was hurting her and I gave all my attention to the child that was hurt. I don't know why she bit my dks, but when she bit the other two, both times the other child had taken a toy away from her- so I know she was angry. The funny thing about the baby is that so far he's asleep most of the time that she's awake. We'll see how today goes as I have them both again today. Luckily it's the only day this week I have them together. I only have them once a week on the same day.

She acts this way at home and so does her 5 yr old sister. In all honesty they are spoiled brats! The little one has been actually worse since the sister started school. When they were here together I only had a few problems with her in my home.

I'm going to try and keep working on it.

Another thing is that she doesn't talk. She will be 2 in 3 weeks. She does say a few words, but they are hard to understand. How normal is that? I always try and get her to say words and sometimes she trys, but not really. Is it because her big sisiter talks for her at home?

[Diane]

Originally posted by JAK
She acts this way at home and so does her 5 yr old sister. In all honesty they are spoiled brats! The little one has been actually worse since the sister started school. When they were here together I only had a few problems with her in my home.

I'm going to try and keep working on it.

Another thing is that she doesn't talk. She will be 2 in 3 weeks. She does say a few words, but they are hard to understand. How normal is that? I always try and get her to say words and sometimes she trys, but not really. Is it because her big sisiter talks for her at home?

I have one that is like this too... She just turned two years old and has an older sister who is 4-1/2 years old. Big sister talks FOR her all of the time. The thing is... the parents realize that there is a problem and has started to get help having her tested and getting her help in the area's that she needs it. Last Monday I had her speech theropist come over to my house to play/test her and her and I got talking about it a little bit. I told her what I thought (about the big sister) but she didn't really know for sure about how she was around her sister because the parents always made it a point of bringing the baby and the older sister to day care while she was being tested at home. I also told the theropist that if/when the 2 year old was alone or with the other 2 year old in the dc... she seemed to talk and express herself a lot more. (at least what I could hear) She confided in me that she and the other lady who tested her also heard a lot of words/sentences that the parents weren't hearing. (I honestly don't think they take the time to listen... ) She did well here... and I was in awe of the theropist and all she did with/for the little girl. Her little brother is the new baby in the day care and at first she did have problems with him taking up a lot of the time that was once devoted to her... but I just continued doing what I needed to do and I just expected her to get over it () and she pretty much has. She never got nasty/mean to him though like pushing im around. (but she liked poking him him in the eye) I wouldn't change a thing you're doing. Be consistent and keep putting her in a time out when she behaves like this. It's SO hard trying to find a group that blends well... I hope it happens real soon for you! Good luck...

Diane...

[RCT]

OH my...what a situation...have you talked with her parents? I would agree with Ann, that by giving her what she wants, your just re inforcing her behavior...good luck