I need help!

[jilly]

Hi, I am new to this site and I would like some help. I am teaching a 3 & 4 year old Sunday School class. I have 9 students total. There is one child in the class that I am needing some advice on. He will be 4 very soon, but is more like a 2 year old in many ways. He does not follow directions, is very defiant, does not appear to know how to get along with other children. I am having much difficulty leading any type of activity or reading the lesson for the day, or even getting through a short prayer without his outbursts. He will not stay seated for any length of time, is climbing on chairs, disrupting class. I know some of this child's history and am in close contact with the mother. They are in play therapy together (early stages as far as I can tell) as this little boy has run the house since he was born. Mom admits that she has always given in to him, etc. She is trying to change this but it will take lots of time. My question is......how in the world do I make this work for Sunday School? For one hour a week, it is difficult to make an impact....we are instructed to make Sunday School fun so the kids want to return...so how do I keep it all together? How do I give the other children the attention and focus they deserve and still deal with this other child, trying to teach him along the way? I am terribly frustrated at this point. The mother was in class with us one day and the behavior was even worse. I am supposed to be getting a helper next week but I don't think the helper being assigned to me is going to be able to handle him either. I don't think this boy is ready for Sunday School but I don't know how to tell the mother this. Besides, that's not my call to make. What do I do? Please send any advice or ideas you might have.......whether it be activities for this boy or for the rest of the class or for me.....I am open to all suggestions! Thanks in advance for any help you might send.

[reesie80]

Many "professionals" say that disruptive behavior should be ignored and positive behavior should be rewarded. (ie- When student is beign disruptive the teacher will say look at how nicely elizabeth is sitting quietly and doing her work. Great job., etc.) I have not always found that this works.

Is this child always disruptive or are there times when he is cooperative? If he does something good or behaves praise him tell him I am very proud of you that was very good that you were able to sit still through the entire story, etc.

If you are really at your wits end and the assistant is not able to help you control the situation, to me it would seem that you need to tell the mother he is not ready for a class setting.

As the teacher you need to make the recommendation. Be sure that you make it clear that you are not demanding her to take him out, but you are suggesting that at this time she might want to reconsider his enrollment. You also have the responsibility of the other children and his disruptive behavior is going to impair the other children's experience in Sunday School. Good luck.

[Sandy Stevens]

Often in a class setting what I have found is that a disruptive child responds well to attention focused on him alone. If it is possible try to find a role for this child in your lessons. Or when doing an activity, ask him to pass out the paper or whatever. Good luck.

[Mrs. Bobbie]

First for starters, make sure you show the love for that child, which I am sure he is in need of.
Than, if decides not to listen , give him another choice as in sitting down with a book, coloring or even having him sit down and watch how much fun the other kids are having fun with the project than maybe he will see that he is missing out and remind him, that if he does not do the project than he will not have anything on the wall to show mom and dad. When he does have a good day, make sure that he recieves the attention as in a certificate for good behavior or even a treat for his good behavior and not only pointing out his problems. Than remind him if he has a good day, he will earn points for treats or helping teacher. This may be enough to help him calm down a bit. You might want to make a chart to show his points so he knows he is trying and make sure to tell mom when he having a good day and it might be good for her to do the chart idea.
GOOD LUCK and let me know if this works.
Mrs. Bobbie

[PamE]

This little boy sounds a lot like my son at that age in SS. With his developmental delays and adhd he really gave his teacher a run for their money. Different things work for different children. With my son we ended up bringing in his car seat to the SS room each Sunday. If/when he got out of control his teacher strapped him in his carseat for a time-out. For him, that worked, because it calmed him down and helped to re-focus him. Maybe his mom would have suggestions for you.

Some of the other things that worked for ds....

* he sat on the teacher's lap a lot (it worked in a classroom of less than 10 kids), for story time, coloring time, etc.

* the teacher had him "help" with different things (it seemed to give him a focus and a purpose)

* the teacher learned to come up with more movement activities that ds could really get in to.

* Firm but loving instruction from the teacher (don't be afraid to tell this little boy "no" and then follow through! Don't feel like you are "only" his SS teacher!)

* help with ideas from our Special Ed department. Ds was in Early Intervention with the school system from the time he turned three. They came up with a lot of specific ideas for us to deal with certain issues (maybe the play therapist would have ideas to pass on to his mom?)

* dh or I would trade off spending our SS hour in with ds. It helped us to see what the teachers went through and it helped them by having someone in there that could control him. It also helped make boundaries clear to ds

* there were also a few times that they enlisted another helper, just to be in there for ds. It cut down on class disruptions and the helper could take ds out of the room for a walk to let him run off some steam.

After saying all this let me add that ds is now 7 1/2 and has been doing fine in Sunday School for about two and a half or three years now. It took him a few years to actually "adjust" to Sunday School, but he's doing great now. Hang in there and *******THANK YOU******** for your patience and desire to help this little boy. I can tell you honestly that it means the world to this little boy and his mom. You may not see the results of your efforts, but even this one hour per week will make a big difference in his life in the long run. (((HUGS)))

[jilly]

First of all, thank you for the replies I have gotten so far. Each one has either reminded me of something to try, or given me new insight. I would love to get more input. I do need to reiterate that this child is more like a 2 year old than a boy who is almost 4. I have had 3 different teachers in the classroom with me at different times, and each is boggled as to what to do. It is so difficult to make an impact in his behavior in just 45 minutes, once a week. He is not able to internalize anything so progress charts/stickers/rewards do not work with him. I will not use treats/food to reward him as I do not believe in this. I encourage and praise him as much as possible. I DO know the home life of this child, he is very loved and supported and encouraged by mom and all of her family, so it is not as if he is abused or neglected in any way, shape or form. I like the idea of time-out stuff but don't know how it will ever work with him in this setting. I definitely will try to get him to be the main helper more and see how that goes. He just doesn't know how to interact with other children, let alone listen to the teacher. I will also try some more physical activities, but he is filled with so much energy (?) that he can hurt the other children without meaning to or knowing that he is hurting them. When he doesn't get what he wants or doesn't want to do what is asked of him, he throws full-out tantrums---screaming, kicking, hitting, you name it----if I or another leader am reading a story/lesson, he screams "NOOOO!" or anything he can to get his voice above the leader's. It is so frustrating to not be able to teach ANY of the children because I can't figure out how to deal with this one challenging area. Thanks again for all the input, keep adding thoughts if and when you have something that might help.

[Sandy Stevens]

If you have the help and space to do this, some children need the undivided attention of an adult to help them refocus. If you or some other teacher can take him aside or better still into another room for a short time this sometimes helps with the children I've taught.

[jilly]

Thanks, everybody, for your input on this difficult situation. They are now splitting my class up, and this boy's aunt is going to teach him and 3 other students, and I will have the other 5. It is on a trial basis, but I am hoping that it works. Something had to be done and I hope that this is the magic potion that will make it better for everyone. I sort of feel like I have failed, but I have to accept it and move on. If this works out for the little boy, I certainly will have it easier with just the 5 kids anyway! So thanks for your help, everyone. I'll keep you posted!